Do you think your significant other is making you fat? Do you find that they “mistakenly” bring home your favorite fatty foods every time you try to go on a diet? Does it seem like, the more you try to lose weight, the more they want to go out to eat?
That may not just be your imagination. In situations like that, I would guess that your significant other is overweight as well. And, while they may not intentionally be trying to get you to gain weight, they probably are subconsciously. Some overweight people are very self-conscious of how they look, but they feel better about themselves if they are not the only one who has put on a few pounds. Your attempt to diet, however, is a stark reality for them that they are not as slim as they used to be. The response shows that they could use some emotional maturing, and counseling or coaching could help them.
Opposites attract, and that is proven when an introvert and an extrovert get together. Introverts and extroverts in a relationship have the opportunity to discuss how they relax, or recharge. Extroverts love to be in groups of people, happily talking about nothing in particular. That is how extroverts recharge their batteries. The batteries of an introvert, however, will drain very quickly in the same situation. Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries.
Time alone for an introverted parent, especially when young children are involved, is very important. Let’s say there is a family with one extrovert parent and one introvert parent, which is pretty common. The extrovert parent may come home to loud, rambunctious children and fondly imagine having some alone time for a bit. The introvert parent, however, may desperately need it to stave off insanity.
Communication is important. Introverts incorrectly assume that everyone knows they need to be alone at times. And extroverts sometimes don’t understand how important it is for introverts to have alone time. Introverts need uninterrupted alone time every day, and that can be difficult when young children are involved.
If this sounds like you, carve out some alone time. Then, when your batteries are recharged, have a conversation with your partner. Find out what they need for alone time or social time with you and friends. And discuss with them how you need alone time. Find a compromise. Remember, you are in this together.
There are two main reasons couples decide to get coaching today:
Finances: Money is one of the top reasons couples split up, but it is rarely the money itself. It is usually how the person views money. One person may see money as a means save for retirement while their partner may see money as a way to go on vacations or buy new cars. I admire couples who recognize that they can work through their differences in money but need help getting started. Contact me today for help on creating a shared financial future for you and your partner.
Pre-marital coaching: I have coached many different issues and enough of my clients have asked me to coach them and their future spouse that I have created a specific pre-marital coaching package. And it makes sense to get coaching rather than counseling since counseling deals with the past while coaching deals with the future. Click here for more information on pre-marital coaching.
It is difficult being a kid.
You get congratulated for your first words, and then you get told that children should be seen and not heard.
Your first steps get publicized all over social media, then you get in trouble for wandering off. Sometimes children feel like they cannot do anything right, so it is important to build children up and give them kudos for their accomplishments.
I personally do not agree with participation trophies (trophies given out to everyone who shows up), or just telling the child they are smart. Praise them for specific accomplishments. Praise children when they get good grades, do something to help out another person, or do their chores without being asked. This way the child will know specific behaviors that are worth repeating.
Every parent wants their children to be successful, and we have a tendency to help, even financially, a bit too much.
As children become adults, they need to learn how to be financially independent. That starts with communication. Sit your child down and open your books to them. They will probably be surprised at how much money it costs to run a family. As you show them your numbers, show them how to start budgeting for themselves. Help them set up their own bank accounts if they do not currently have one, and help them to budget how much money they would need to save for rent, food, and necessities. Even if they can’t afford it all now, it gives them a plan and action steps to work toward.
Want to be closer to your partner than ever before? Get couples coaching.
Therapy deals with the past, but coaching works with the future. One way to feel closer than ever with your partner is to work toward a shared future, and a couples coach can help you on your way.
And it is very important to continue to work on bonding with your partner. Love is a self-sacrificing verb. It asks the question: What can I do for you? The more often the two of you ask each other that question, the closer you will be.
So contact me today to start couples coaching or click here for more information.
Have you found that one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Are you thinking it might be time to get married, but you are not sure if you are ready? You may be right.
Marriage is a big step, and you may have spent time thinking about whether the person you are with is the right person to marry. You may even be sure he/she is “The One.” But are you the right person for them? Are you ready for marriage?
Here are a couple of ways to know if you are ready for marriage:
* Give and take: Are you a giver? Do you think of things you can do for your partner? What do you expect in return? The answer should be “nothing.” If you are with the right person, each of you will want to do for the other without any expectation of getting something back. Of course, if you give and give, and never get anything in return, you know they are not the right person.
But it goes both ways. If you allow them to constantly do for you, but you don’t give back, that may be a sign you are not ready for marriage.
* What language is that: What is your love language? Do you feel special when you get and give gifts? Does time together, even going for walk, make you feel gushy inside? What makes you feel special? And what makes your partner feel special? Are you doing for them according to their love language, or yours? If you love getting and giving gifts, but they love doing things together, they won’t care about the gift much. It won’t make them feel the same as you do. Likewise, if your partner is constantly trying to get you to go hiking, dancing, and other things together, but you want gifts, they are loving you according to their love language, not yours. Marriage is about self-sacrifice, for both of you.
Every person has limiting beliefs about something.
People generally seek professional advice when they get frustrated or irritated about being stuck due to those limiting beliefs.
But, there are two reasons why they do not take or use the advice they get. First, the advice is usually the professional talking about how they would solve the problem.
That is no different from going to a motivational seminar, however. When you first leave the seminar you are all pumped up. Then, within a few days, you are back to where you were before because what you heard didn’t help make a personal change.
The second reason professional advice rarely works is because the advice did not help remove the original limiting belief that stopped the person. It may be great advice, but if past events have caused a sticking point in the person, they will not be able to use that advice. That is why a professional life coach is so important. A professional coach will help the person shatter those limiting beliefs.
One activity is to look back into your past to find a time when the issue did not affect you. What happened after that to cause the limiting belief? Did someone say or do something negative? Did setbacks cause a belief that you were not good enough?
See that time for what it really is. If it was a person saying or doing something negative, that is on them, not you. If it was a belief formed due to setbacks, look at the setback as a learning opportunity. What did you learn from it? You may see that what you learned from that negative event actually helped you to get where you are. Seeing the incident for what it really is can help to shatter limiting beliefs.
Please contact me if you would like a free initial strategy session. Your Amazing Tomorrow can start right now.
Financial differences are one of the top reasons people get divorced; and financial issues will rarely, if ever, cause a divorce.
These two statements may seem to be at odds with each other, but they are not.
It is not the finances that cause conflict, but the meaning each person puts behind the finances. One partner may see money as a way to go on vacations, buy new clothing, and go out more often. However, the other partner may see money as a way to save for retirement and the feeling of security that offers. Every person equates money with a certain feeling or set of feelings, and it is those feelings that cause strife between partners in a marriage.
There is one reason why finances can negatively affect a marriage: When both people are not on the same page. And the number one reason both partners would not be on the same page would be a lack of communication. Chances are, if money is a negative stress factor in your marriage, you have not had good discussions on money. Remember, marriage is about compromise. You do not have to agree on everything, but if you can come to a good compromise on how you handle finances, your marriage will grow by leaps and bounds.
Forget Resolutions – Create a Shared Vision In Your Relationship
New Year’s resolutions are like going to a dentist; it seems productive at the time but a month later nothing has changed. So forget resolutions. Instead, get with your partner and create a vision for your shared future. Where do you want to be/say/do at the end of the year that you cannot be/say/do now? How can you work together to make this vision a reality? What is one step you can take now to get closer to that vision? Then, once that step is done, get together and figure out the next step. Not only will this make you feel better (you are creating small successes with each step accomplished), your relationship will be stronger at the end of year because you worked together.
And please contact me if you need help creating that shared vision.
– Dr. Ty