boyfriend introvert girlfriend extrovert

Relationships: Are You an Innie or an Outtie?

 

There is one thing you should know about yourself before you get into a relationship with another person: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

This question is vitally important because, depending on the answer, it can make or break the relationship. Introverts process internally, and they need time to themselves throughout the day. Social settings tend to drain their energy. Extroverts process externally, often talking out what they think about. Alone time can be boring and energy draining, and they love being in crowds.
It does not matter whether your potential partner is the same as you; what matters is that you recognize which they are and which you are. Two introverts (or extroverts) can live a great life together. However, if you are an introvert, like me, and you happen to hit it off with an extrovert, like I did with my wife, life will take you down a wondrous journey. But the one thing that has kept our marriage together is understanding, and complimenting, the differences between us.

Is Your Partner Future-Oriented?

You may not want to hear this, but if you are with a person who refuses to talk about the future, then there is a good chance you are with a person who does not see a future with you.

It will not do any good to push them to talk about it; in fact that may make them more distant.

However, talking about the future is vitally important for a long-term relationship. Every person has their own ideas about what they want, whether it is: Jobs, vacations, personal time together, or even the house they want to live in.

But it’s not just that. The language you use, and your tone, can convey a lot. I coached a couple who got into a lively conversation about the house each wanted to live in. I had to stop myself from laughing, because they were each describing the same house, but they were not listening to each other, so their conversation kept getting more heated until I had each of them take turns. They discovered the truth once they started listening to each other.

So, don’t just talk about the future, listen to what your partner is saying. They may want exactly the same thing, but they could just be using different words.