Feel like nobody listens to what you say? There are three actions you can use to be taken seriously.
- Take others seriously (meaning: Listen). We tend to talk more when it seems like other people don’t take us seriously, spending more time explaining what we mean by what we say. One way to be taken seriously is to listen intently about what the other person is saying.
- Talk less. I had a client who admitted that she felt like she talked a mile a minute but never seemed to be saying anything important. Through coaching, she learned to say a lot less and get to the point quicker. By talking less, she felt she was being heard more by others.
- Pick a topic and stick to it. Don’t talk about four or five different topics at the same time. What may make sense to you could be very confusing to others, so stick to one topic at a time.
Combine all three of these together to become a conversationalist that people will listen to. Listen to what others are saying then respond specifically to what they are talking about. Stick to that subject, and try to stay on point with fewer words.
Opposites attract, and that is proven when an introvert and an extrovert get together. Introverts and extroverts in a relationship have the opportunity to discuss how they relax, or recharge. Extroverts love to be in groups of people, happily talking about nothing in particular. That is how extroverts recharge their batteries. The batteries of an introvert, however, will drain very quickly in the same situation. Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries.
Time alone for an introverted parent, especially when young children are involved, is very important. Let’s say there is a family with one extrovert parent and one introvert parent, which is pretty common. The extrovert parent may come home to loud, rambunctious children and fondly imagine having some alone time for a bit. The introvert parent, however, may desperately need it to stave off insanity.
Communication is important. Introverts incorrectly assume that everyone knows they need to be alone at times. And extroverts sometimes don’t understand how important it is for introverts to have alone time. Introverts need uninterrupted alone time every day, and that can be difficult when young children are involved.
If this sounds like you, carve out some alone time. Then, when your batteries are recharged, have a conversation with your partner. Find out what they need for alone time or social time with you and friends. And discuss with them how you need alone time. Find a compromise. Remember, you are in this together.
The elevator pitch is important in today’s business settings; it is a way to tell people what you do without spending a half hour doing it.
“I help people create their amazing tomorrow.” There are many different ways to create an elevator pitch, and everyone has a different slant on how to do it. Personally, I like the elevator pitch that makes the listener want to ask questions. I could say that I am a business, career, and life coach, but coaching is still one of those professions that seem ambiguous. The elevator pitch should say exactly what you do in as few words as possible. A humorous pitch, if done right, works also. A local drain cleaning company has the pitch: “I get the **** out of your life.” Be careful with humor, however, it can backfire. Spend time creating the right elevator pitch. I would say it can be up to 60 seconds, but 30 would be ideal. You should include your business name at the end and have a business card ready to hand to the listener.
Developing an elevator pitch is extremely important for introverts.
We tend to get flustered when we do not have a reply ready to go (extroverts, ever ask a person what should be an easy question, but you get that “deer in the headlights” look back?). Developing your elevator pitch will not only give you something to say, it will help you be more comfortable in networking settings.
There is one thing you should know about yourself before you get into a relationship with another person: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
This question is vitally important because, depending on the answer, it can make or break the relationship. Introverts process internally, and they need time to themselves throughout the day. Social settings tend to drain their energy. Extroverts process externally, often talking out what they think about. Alone time can be boring and energy draining, and they love being in crowds.
It does not matter whether your potential partner is the same as you; what matters is that you recognize which they are and which you are. Two introverts (or extroverts) can live a great life together. However, if you are an introvert, like me, and you happen to hit it off with an extrovert, like I did with my wife, life will take you down a wondrous journey. But the one thing that has kept our marriage together is understanding, and complimenting, the differences between us.
Interesting conversation starters to alleviate small talk for Introverts
Small talk is the bane of introverts, and a skill that is a must have in social situations. Having conversation starters can mean the difference between that awkward silence that is only penetrated when someone joins in, or the two people just move on to different groups. That makes it difficult for a chance to find common interests so the two of you can start to engage in a meaningful dialog. The weather is usually not a good topic because it will not last long, unless you are talking about a storm. And, that may not be a good idea. Find uplifting conversation. See if you can (tastefully) compliment an article of clothing. Or inquire about family, but only if you are genuinely interested. Most people can spot when you are not being genuine, so find things that you really want to know about. One way to cheat, if you know beforehand that certain people will be at the event, is to check out their social media pages and see if you can find a common interest.
Contact me if you would like help being more social, or read my book Leadership for Introverts.
– Dr. Ty, Professional Life Coach