Tips to Make Arguments More Productive.

We are all tempted to say things in the heat of the moment that we know we should not say.

Our feelings are hurt, and we want the other person to know how hurt we are. But lashing out at the other person will only make the situation worse. It will quickly change a heated discussion into an argument, and nobody wins an argument.

There is one trick that can diffuse an argument before it even starts. It’s the “I hear…” defense. When someone gets angry and lashes out, respond with something like “I hear that you are upset.” They may agree and lash out again. A great response could be “you seem very upset by that.” What you are doing is acknowledging their anger without feeding it. In fact, this defense usually calms the other person down because they have no more fuel for their fire. Then, once they are calm, you can start to present your side of the case. This defense will take time to master, but will make you a great negotiator whether it is in your marriage, a business deal, or with relatives over the holiday table.

What Is Your Mission/Edict? Success Planning Webishop Podcast #3

Your mission answers the question; what do you do?

And it begs the question; is that really what you do? Mission is a part of doing. Your mission is part of the action. For example: Let’s say John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt works in a factory. He stands at a conveyor belt. His job is to put nuts and bolts into compartment B of a container so the product that this company makes will have all of its nuts and bolts for the customer when it gets shipped out. And when people ask, he says: “My job is to stand at a conveyor belt. I’m putting nuts and bolts into container B and that’s what I do all day long. It’s kind of boring, but…”

Your edict should be designed after your mission statement, not instead of your mission statement. Yes, your edict may replace your mission statement, but it is easy to mess up an edict if you do not have your mission defined. Listen to the Podcast to find out more!

The book Leadership for Introverts is coming out early 2018. Keep updated at www.leadershipintroverts.com.

#successplanning #LeadershipForIntroverts #missionstatement #edict

Team Building Activity

I have always enjoyed helping teams to work more closely together.

And it doesn’t matter if the team is a family, group of volunteers, or a business team. One of my favorite activities is: “If you only knew…” Everyone sits in a circle and one person at a time starts with “if you only knew me, you would know that…” and reveals something that the group in general may not know. I encourage the first round to be fun or silly. Then, the second round would be more serious. I have found that, every time, people that thought they had nothing in common found that they weren’t so different. This activity works in large or small groups, men and women, and I have used it with teen groups as well.

Boss vs Leader

There is a basic difference between a boss and a leader. A boss uses his/her position to get others to obey them while a leader uses his/her influence. A person does not need to be a boss in order to be a leader. A leader can lead from behind, especially when there is a weak boss. Have you ever been in an organization where the person that runs a department is not the boss, but just another worker?

Life-Changing Tips For A Long-Term Loving Relationship


Being in love is amazing; there is no better feeling in the world.

We feel like we are walking on air when we are in love, and it seems like there is nothing that we won’t do for that special person. Being in love means we are putting the needs of our partner before ourselves, but we are bombarded every day with the idea that it is more important to think of ourselves first. If you think about, we are conditioned to look out for “number one.” In school we are rewarded for getting better grades than others. And in business we are rewarded with promotions for working better or smarter than others. But love is self-sacrificing; and it is completely opposite of what we learn everywhere else.
The secret to a long lasting relationship is to never forget that love does not answer the question “what will you do for me,” but the question “what can I do for you?” Sometimes that means giving up your rights. You may have worked a long day, and you have the right to sit down in front of the tv and relax. But that answers the wrong question. Get up, do the dishes, do the laundry, help your partner. And don’t worry about what they will do for you. The more you sacrifice for them, the more they will eventually want to sacrifice for you. That is love.

Work from home career entrepreneur

Working From Home: Handling The Unexpected

Tips On How To Tackle the Unexpected When Working From Home

Working from home provides a unique set of distractions. One big distraction is getting sick. When working at an office, it is possible to call in and stay home for the day. But, when you work from home there is quite often the urge to work anyway. There may be a feeling of guilt for not working from home when sick. However, if you don’t take care of yourself you may end up being sick for even longer.
Another distraction that can affect your entire day is a sick child. Imagine knowing that there will be an important phone or video conference that day. And, of course, your child will need you in the middle of it.  Consider hiring a babysitter for a few hours if your day has important appointments, or if you have work that requires your attention for a long period of time.

The largest distraction that I have found in working with small business clients, however, is the television.

Everyone needs a break from work, but a television show can’t be watched in 10 minutes, so a short break turns into a half hour of television watching. Then, during lunch, you may decide to watch one show in a series and end up binge watching for most of the afternoon. But, how can you not watch TV when it’s so easy? Maybe make it less easy. Make sure the room you work in does not have a TV. Or, unplug every TV in your house and don’t plug them back in until the work day is done. You could even purchase a timer that sits between the wall and the TV that is scheduled to shut off electricity to the TV during certain times of the day. Figure out what would work best for you, and start developing a new habit of not watching TV.

We offer specialized career coaching and entrepreneur coaching at MyCoach.Life. Contact me for more information.

– Dr. Ty

What Do You Believe In? Success Planning Podcast #2

What do you believe in? What are your Core Values?One common definition of core values is: Core values are commonly held beliefs and commitments. However, core values are personal, so you could say that your core values are what define you, or what define your business. Most people and most businesses have arbitrary core values. They have not specifically defined their core values. so those values can change based on how you or the business is doing or on how the CEO feels.

But that could be a recipe for disaster. As an example, let’s say you get a job offer from a company that wants to give you a larger salary and a signing bonus. That may seem amazing on the surface. But you could be very unhappy in that job if the company’s core values are different than yours.

Click here to the Core Values Webishop or get the Core Values worksheet.

Have you listened to the first podcast, Success Begins With Why?

And keep a lookout for my new book, Leadership for Introverts, coming early 2018.

Couple walking on beach

Can You Plan Happiness?

Happiness seems to be fleeting all too often, and the reason could be because of a lack of planning.

But, can you plan happiness? I believe people can. Think of the things that sap your happiness. Is it something you can change your attitude about? What good things can you find about the situation? If nothing else, is it a learning experience for the future? Find a way in which a bad situation could be better, and visualize it being better. Your mind will work to accomplish whatever you think about, so think about a bad situation turning better. Imagine what it would feel like if you were happier about something. We cannot change what happens around us, but we can change our reaction to it.

But happiness can leave us at times.

Sometimes very serious things, like the death of a loved one, make it impossible to be happy. That is where joy comes in. Where happiness is fleeting, joy is eternal. One sad fact of this world is that death happens to us all. And being happy during such a traumatic time is not only difficult, it seems downright inappropriate. But we can have joy in the memories of that person, and in how they made us feel. Behind the sorrow, it’s okay to have that feeling of joy about who that person was.

 

Staying Healthy During Winter

Staying healthy in winter

Staying physically healthy is vitally important, and can be difficult during the autumn and winter months when it is getting cold outside. But, your mental health may be even more important than your physical health during the shorter days and longer nights. Have you ever noticed that you just don’t feel like doing as much during the autumn & winter? Does it seem like your energy gets sapped faster, even when you are doing less? Those symptoms could be because of attitude as much as exercise. It is very important to keep your spirits up during the cold months when the sun isn’t out as much. We aren’t getting as much natural vitamin D, so attitude (and maybe some vitamins) can make a huge difference.

Read more inspirational works, find ways to socialize with positive people. Or, talk to a professional about how you can keep a more positive attitude. There are many coaches available and, with the Internet, you don’t have to meet in person. Video meetings are a great way to meet, especially since you won’t have to worry about traveling. But, however you do it, find ways to keep your spirits up. Unlike some popular shows try to tell us, winter does not last forever.

Click here to schedule a no cost coaching session with me

– Dr. Ty

 

Introverts: Interesting Conversation Starters to Alleviate Small Talk

Interesting conversation starters to alleviate small talk for Introverts

Small talk is the bane of introverts, and a skill that is a must have in social situations. Having conversation starters can mean the difference between that awkward silence that is only penetrated when someone joins in, or the two people just move on to different groups. That makes it difficult for a chance to find common interests so the two of you can start to engage in a meaningful dialog. The weather is usually not a good topic because it will not last long, unless you are talking about a storm. And, that may not be a good idea. Find uplifting conversation. See if you can (tastefully) compliment an article of clothing. Or inquire about family, but only if you are genuinely interested. Most people can spot when you are not being genuine, so find things that you really want to know about. One way to cheat, if you know beforehand that certain people will be at the event, is to check out their social media pages and see if you can find a common interest.
Contact me if you would like help being more social.

– Dr. Ty, Professional Life Coach