The word leader has been getting some mixed definitions lately.
A leader is simply a person who has influence over other people. A leader is not necessarily a manager. A manager is a person who is hired to manage employees. Anyone can be a leader, but it is not easy to be a good leader. A good leader will listen to the advice of the other people in the group and act on that advice. Of course, you cannot please everyone all the time, but a good leader will always do what is best for the group in general. And the only way to find out the needs of the group is to listen.
Learn more Introvert Leader skills by reading Leadership for Introverts.
We are all tempted to say things in the heat of the moment that we know we should not say.
Our feelings are hurt, and we want the other person to know how hurt we are. But lashing out at the other person will only make the situation worse. It will quickly change a heated discussion into an argument, and nobody wins an argument.
There is one trick that can diffuse an argument before it even starts. It’s the “I hear…” defense. When someone gets angry and lashes out, respond with something like “I hear that you are upset.” They may agree and lash out again. A great response could be “you seem very upset by that.” What you are doing is acknowledging their anger without feeding it. In fact, this defense usually calms the other person down because they have no more fuel for their fire. Then, once they are calm, you can start to present your side of the case. This defense will take time to master, but will make you a great negotiator whether it is in your marriage, a business deal, or with relatives over the holiday table.
There have been many studies on how our brain works, and how we remember. Most of those studies agree that we remember, on average, less than 20% of what we hear, but almost 70% of what we write. In this Inc. Magazine article, Tony Robbins says that writing something down will not help your memory, but will help your commitment to getting something done. And the commitment to persevere is a core value of success.